Some insurance jokes….
1) Jim´s house got burned down. Julie, his wife, called the insurance company and said, “We had that house insured for a hundred thousand and I want my money.”
“Whoa there, just a minute, Julie, it doesn´t work like that. We will assess the value of the building and provide you with a new one of comparable worth.” the agent replied.
Julie, after a pause, said, “Well, in that case, I´d like to cancel the policy on my husband.”
2) A lawyer and a broker were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, “I´m here because my house burned down, and the insurance company paid for everything.”
“That´s quite a coincidence,” said the broker. “I´m here because my house was destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything.”
The puzzled lawyer asked, “How do you start a flood?”
3) An agent walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared. “I will grant you three wishes,” announced the genie. “But since Satan still hates me, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as well — only double.”
The salesman thought about this for a while. “For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars,” he announced. Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. “But your rival has just received $20,000,000,” the genie said.
“I´ve always wanted a Ferrari,” the salesman said. Instantly a Ferrari appeared. “But your rival has just received two Ferraris,” the genie said. “And what is your last wish?”
“Well,” said the salesman, “I´ve always wanted to donate a kidney for transplant.”
4) “Do you know the present value of your husband´s policy?” the life insurance salesman asked his client.
“What do you mean?” countered the woman.
“If you should lose your husband, what would you get?” asked the salesman.
The woman thought a minute, then brightened up and said, “Probably a poodle.”
5) Q : What’s the difference between an actuarial and the mafia don?
A : The actuarial can tell you how many people will die this year. The mafia don can tell you the names of all of them.